I am an impatient person. It's a fault to which I will readily admit.
I have a very extremely hard time waiting to see the fruits of any true labor, whatever it may involve. All through my life, a constant companion on my journey has been the ever multiplying question of When.
When will I get a teaching assignment?
When will I get pregnant?
When will we get a house?
Often times those questions of "When" are joined by their sinister second cousins, the "What If" family.
"When will my babies be born?" marries with
"And what if everything goes wrong before they have a chance?"
"When will they potty train?" joins the train of thought with
"And what if they never do??"
Voila. Now you have the granddaddy of all troublesome mental states: Doubt, which so eloquently parlays into Uncertainty.
I find that my tendency towards impatience often leads to doubting so many things.
In general, I have the power to make myself completely and utterly miserable. All on my own, thank you very much.
And I'm working on that, earnestly. Being a mom has taught me to slow things down. To take a "Wait and See" approach with so many things in my life. I have gotten very careful about wishing the present away; planting my feet firmly in the Terra of Today. Here and now.
I pray about it. Constantly. But carefully. Praying for patience can be a tricky thing, you know. Sometimes His answer is to hand off more "practice opportunities", after all. Not that I'm not in need of practice. I am. I surely, surely am. Sometimes I just feel like I've got all I can handle right now.
But I'm progressing. I think so. But slowly.
I'm learning a lesson called Patience.
Can't wait till I have it all learned.
This whole Adulthood-Responsibility-Growing Older & Wiser thing is a lot harder that I thought it was going to be. But I'm learning an awful lot along the way.